Farewell, old girl

As you grow older, you start to yearn for the familiar. In an ever changing world, that's a real challenge.  Wouldn't it be nice if some things never changed. A fixed beacon in the cauldron that is the world ? Alas that can only be a pipe dream as there is nothing that is impervious to the passage of time. And so, when something that is long standing , finally succumbs to Father Time, it is time to shed a tear. Especially something that has stood for 71 years.

When I first went to London, there were two places I HAD to see immediately. The second of them was a trek to Tunbridge Wells in Kent to stand on the hallowed pitch where in 1983, one of the greatest cricket innings of all time happened - Kapil Dev's 175 that launched India on the path to World Cup victory. But the first, even above that sainted place, was for me, Bush House, the home of the BBC in the Strand. You can't enter the building, unless you are an employee, so I contented myself with gazing at its majestic facade in awe. And a visit to the BBC World Service shop, which you can enter, of course.

Bush House, for 71 years stood for something special. As the home of the BBC, it was virtually the centre of the world. Right through the decades , until about 15 years ago, BBC Radio was the window to the world for most of its population. I grew up before the internet era ; actually even before the TV era had really established itself. I became a global citizen thanks to the BBC. My education was 50% at school and 50% thanks to BBC World Service. Fiddling a small short wave transistor radio, and trying to listen through the static and crackle, and there would come the magic words - This is London.

The BBC is shifting homes and abandoning Bush House to move to fancier (and presumably cheaper) quarters in London. The logic is impeccable. Bush House was never made for the digital age. Its old world rooms and corridors are a positive nuisance for a modern office. And yet, and yet .......

The BBC itself has changed of course. World Service Radio (at least on the short wave) is more or less dead.  TV has taken over. Budget constraints are taking their toll. But then the BBC is not going away - its only Bush House that's retiring. So why the nostalgia ? Especially for a building that I haven't even been inside. I can't explain it, except that, at my age,  it seems to be the passing of an era.

In four days time, at precisely mid day in London, the last World Service news will be broadcast from Bush House.  From the next hour onwards, the News will still come bang on time, but from the new quarters. Its the same BBC. Its the same news. Its the same anchors. But, surely, it will not be the same. The world may perhaps not notice. But I will heave a big sigh.

One more familiar sight in the world will go down.  Farewell old girl. Here's a big hug. You will always be one of a kind.

The Art of Giving

Life is not fair. That's an obvious lesson life itself teaches you, although  interpretations of "fairness" tends to vary widely across the spectrum. 

For some, life tends to deal a particularly bad hand. In a poor country like India, you see them all the time, although most of us have developed the ability to "not see" in order to preserve our sanity and not be overwhelmed. But we can't escape the reality of the misery around us. This post is a plea to lend a helping hand to one such group of the unfortunate - the aged.

We talk a lot about Corporate Social Responsibility and the philanthropy demands on the rich.  But we rarely talk about Personal Social Responsibility and the philanthropy demands on the common man. This post is also meant to ask the reader to reflect on what each individual can do, however small.

In developing countries like India and China, the lot of the aged is particularly tough. There is no social security net - the net is the family. The family system was designed for the times when people did not live long. Families could cope with taking care of the aged for a while. Now while lifespans extend and families become smaller, this social system is straining at the seams. It is a particularly big problem in China because of the one child policy - four aged adults are dependent on one couple. In both these countries, it is all too common to see the aged on the street, begging. They have nowhere to go and in the sunset of their lives, when they ought to have some peace, they find none.

So the next time you see an aged person on the pavement, please don't turn away. Give him a dollar, or five rupees or one yuan. Whatever be your views on begging, please suspend them for an old lady who is on the streets. She is not begging there because that is an easy way out. She is there because she has no choice.

Doing good need not take on the contours of a gigantic project. Those who do it that way are indeed saints. But not all of us can do that. That's fine. It is equally noble just to reach out and give a little to a needy soul every day. The logical and rational questions as to whether that is the best way to help are academic. For that hungry lady in the blazing sun, its a manna from heaven. Lets leave it at that.

Perhaps this touches a chord in all of us. That's why the pictures and story of Jason, a young American outside a McDonalds in China chatting and sharing a burger and fries with a granny begging on the streets has gone viral and created such a storm.

We are privileged. God willing, we will never be on the streets. But we will join the ranks of the aged for sure, as Father Time is of course relentless. So here's a plea to help wipe a tear from our fellow brethren. Keep loose change in your pocket. And everytime you see an old person on the street, give her a coin. Its not a big deal for us. Its a huge deal for that unfortunate soul.

Pardon this blogger for a sanctimonious post. For you see, pontificating and pestering are attributes of the aged.

Big is Bad

This blogger doesn't mind telling a story against himself. A couple of decades ago, he made his first trip to the US of A. Two experiences stand out in the trip. The first was his  seatmate on the flight. The gentleman was, to put it mildly, a mountain of lard. Having encountered many Rajalakshmis - she of the ample proportions -  this blogger thought he had seen it all. But "he ain't seen nothing yet". The specimen he was now witnessing would put all Rajalakshmis combined into the svelte and petite category . The worthy had boarded the flight first as "a passenger requiring assistance" and occupied the two seater we were to share. When I boarded, I discovered that both the seats had been "taken" (this was before the era which now requires man mountains to buy two tickets). I managed the two hour flight by standing next to the seat !

The second stand out experience was when I ordered a cup of tea at some cafe. Small size please. I got a plastic monstrosity which held some 2 litres of boiling water. And one sad looking tea bag . I have never ever asked for hot tea  in the US ever since. This is, after all the country where the smallest size in Starbucks is called Tall

This was 20 years ago. The connection between the two has only now been grasped in the US. Or at least in New York. Mayor Bloomberg now wants to ban soda fountains serving portions bigger than 16 oz (half a litre) in his crusade against obesity.

This blog has carried consecutive posts on economics and politics. That is rather heavy. Readers are now invited to wash that down with this rather "easy" post.

New Yorkers are up in arms protesting against the encroachment of the fundamental right to consume 3.4 litres of Coke in one go. I have some fundamental questions regarding how anatomically possible this propensity of New Yorkers is. I am fairly convinced that human body systems for dealing with liquids, do not have a combined capacity of  3.4 litres. Therefore if there is ingress of the stated quantity, there must also be a steady egress ! And what happens to the enormous quantity of CO2 inherent in the soda. Is this the reason for the generation of the vast quantities of hot air that The Tea Party and Michael Moore followers do each day. Or is it that all that gas adds a certain amount of buoyancy to people who are gravitationally challenged enabling them to transition from the horizontal to the vertical ?

Bloomberg is arguing that he is not banning New Yorkers from drinking 3.4 litres of Coke in one go. He is only banning them from drinking that from one glass. They can buy 7 glasses of 16 ozs each and slurp to their heart's content. Apparently his theory is that they cannot carry seven glasses at one time; so they will consume less !!

I am applying to the good Mayor for a clarification. Are the 14 kgs of ice cubes that are shovelled into each drink to be counted in his 16 oz limit or not ??  For , you see, no self respecting New Yorker will drink a soda, unless the entire Arctic ice cap is in his glass.

I am also unclear how the good state of Texas views all this. You see, all Texans believe that New Yorkers are wimps because they serve such tiny portions of food and drink. You want to see a Big Mac, come to Texas, where about two cows have to lay down their lives in the cause of doing justice to one burger. The Texan concession to the war on obesity is that he has reluctantly agreed to settle in for an order of "1 Big Mac and a Diet Coke please" !

A sporting classic from the past

The telly in this blogger's household leads a cushy life. It is in a state of perpetual rest. It is only occasionally called to perform and then immediately sent back to the state of rest with an apology for disturbing the slumber. All that changed a week or so ago.

You see, ESPN has bagged the rights to telecast the London Olympics which begin in a couple of months. As a lead up to this event, ESPN has been airing some memorable documentaries of past Olympics. If ESPN marketed those videos they are airing, I will stand in line for 72 hours in Chicago in freezing winter to buy them ! There are some absolutely riveting stories there. This post is about one such memorable sporting event.

Atlanta 1996. The rather unglamorous sport of weightlifting. What happened that Monday will go down in sporting legend as one of the great days of sport. It was the 64 kg category - not the man mountain variety. Naim Süleymanoğlu from Turkey was already a legend. Nicknamed the Pocket Hercules for his short stature, he was, pound for pound, the greatest weightlifter of all time. He was an absolute hero in his country. He was already a double gold medalist - from Seoul and Barcelona, but was now coming out of retirement to compete in Atlanta. His main competitor was the world record holder Valerios Leonidis of Greece. Adding spice to the contest was the fact the Greece and Turkey share a relationship somewhat akin to India & Pakistan.

The atmosphere in the hall was electric. On the left were legions of red Turkish supporters. On the right were the blue Greeks. Flags were waving everywhere. The noise was deafening. The event has two types of lifts - snatch and clean & jerk. Each lifter has three lifts in each category and the sum total decides the gold medal. When the snatch was over Naim had a 2.5 kg lead over Valerios. The drama reached a crescendo in clean & jerk. Naim went for a world record at 185 kg with his second lift and succeeded. Valerios asked for 187.5 kg for his second lift and succeeded, beating the world record  Naim had just set. Remember these guys were 64kg in body weight  - they were lifting three times their body weight. For his final lift Naim went for 187.5 kg and succeeded, equaling the world record just set, but would win the gold medal  since he was carrying a lead from the snatch. For the final lift of the competition, Valerios asked for an unbelievable 190 kg (10 kgs more than he had ever lifted before). He lifted it to his shoulders but couldn't complete the lift. The Pocket Hercules had won his third gold medal.   The men embraced. The public-address in a rare departure from the cript, actually said, "Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes today's competition, and you have probably witnessed one of the greatest weightlifting contests in the history of the world."

Later on as they lined up for the medals ceremony, Leonidis sportingly patted Süleymanoğlu and said "Naim, you are the best". To which Naim was reported to have replied , "No Valerios, WE are the best"

You can catch a little of the drama here. Of such stuff are sporting legends made.

The curious public reaction to Facebook IPO

You couldn't have missed the public fury over the Facebook IPO, over the last week, even if you not economically inclined !  Facebook was a darling before the IPO - great company, stratospheric valuations, etc etc, which this blogger has been heartily against. But now after the IPO , Facebook is a pariah, it botched up the IPO, lawsuits threatened, etc etc. This time this blogger is completely on the side of Facebook and totally flummoxed by the public reaction.

What is the main charge ?  Facebook's price did not shoot up 10 times after the IPO. Instead it has declined by some 16% or so, over the IPO price, in the first week. The company has committed sacrilege. Really ??

Who are the moaners and bleaters. The punters who bought in the IPO wanting to sell on the first day after listing and make a 5000% profit. Please tell me why the company has any obligations to these greedy leeches ? What economic activity have these speculators done (never mind that in this lot might be Oregon widows who didn't know what they were doing !)? Why should they make any profit at all ? Why should Facebook "ensure" that the stock rises manifold on the date of listing ? It can be argued that Facebook should actually be doing precisely the opposite. After all if the price shoots up after the IPO, the company is shortchanging the original investors who first invested in the company to the benefit of the sharks who want to make a whopping profit in one day. By that yardstick, Facebook has done precisely the right thing.

The second charge is that the IPO price was overvalued. Now do you need a MBA to tell you this ? Of course the company is overvalued like crazy. Everybody knows that. People chose to close their eyes and believe that in a stampede they would make a killing. They've now been trampled. Tough luck. 

The third charge, and a more serious one, is that Facebook let some analysts know that its latest quarter's numbers would be lower than expectations, but didn't inform everybody. This is what is triggering the threats of massive lawsuits.I don't know the facts behind this allegation, but I suspect this is a fig leaf behind which the punters are wanting to hide. As if their stampeding to buy Facebook shares had anything to do with numbers or logic or any sensible model of valuation based on earnings. Would they have behaved any differently if Facebook had said they would earn half of what they did ??

I have zero sympathy for those moaning today, I am actually delighted that they have lost their shirts and would be even more delighted if they lost their underwears too. The right course of action for them is to wait a year or two, and see if Facebook's performance doesn't lift the share price. Fat chance of that happening - this lot has the patience of an ectoplasm !

I am totally with Facebook on this one, even though I am not with them on anything else. That's why I am not updating my timeline !

A matter of grave import to the nation

The Hon'ble Supreme Court of India is a very esteemed body and is concerned with matters of grave constitutional importance, on which hinges the future of this nation of 1.2 billion people.  Therefore when this august body makes a ruling, we should take it very seriously and comply. It also goes without saying that the Supreme Court only rules on extremely weighty matters and does not lend itself to trivialisation. It is therefore very clear that the removal of sun films from car windows is one of the most important and pressing of issues that confronts India today.

The Supreme Court has ruled, after intense deliberation, and careful consideration of legal issues that pasting a sun film on your car window is illegal. That it has devoted its valuable time to this, while it is suffering from a massive backlog of cases is enough evidence that this is an extremely grave matter. A very concerned citizen of India, Mr  Avishek Goenka (it is completely untrue,  that the aforesaid gentleman is an old f@*$, of the qualities I alluded to in this post) filed a Public Interest Litigation that sun films on car windows was an important reason for rape, dacoity, murder and a host of heinous crimes . The Hon'ble Supreme Court agreed. From now on , thou shall ride a car with sun films on the windows at your peril.The implication of this judgement is obviously that as soon as sun films are removed, the incidence of dacoity, rape, etc etc shall drastically fall. Please monitor the statistics in the next few months to see this dramatic fall.

The police in each state is getting ready to diligently implement this critical matter of public policy. They shall now treat sun film violations on par with catching those driving without a license, driving on the wrong side of the road, driving without any lights at all, five people riding a two wheeler, parking in the middle of the road etc etc. These matters already receive the highest attention from the police, so much so that these problems are largely licked ; they will now have the time to tackle sun film.

The Hon'ble Supreme Court did not mention this, but we can speculate that the corollary effect on public health also influenced its opinion on the matter. We are somewhat concerned that Vitamin D deficiency is at an unacceptably high level in India. Exposure to sunlight, especially the intense summer sun that we are blessed with, is really a significant aid to the health of the nation. With no sun films on car windows, my vitamin balance will be strengthened by the absorption of more sunlight.

A byproduct of this move shall also be to enhance public morality. Activities of an amorous nature, carried out in the confines of a car will now be visible to the, umm,  naked eye and therefore act as an effective deterrent.

I shall also compliment Mr Avishek Goenka on services to the nation and exhort him to continue to strive for further reducing dacoity , rape, etc,. Considering that a significant proportion of such crimes are done indoors, its time to turn the attention to buildings. It is deplorable that building windows are tinted and the view blocked by curtains. I am exhorting Mr Avishek Goenka to move the Hon'ble Supreme Court to also deliberate upon the legality or otherwise of curtains. (Reflections, please note).  After winning this, Mr Goenka is also exhorted to move the Hon'ble Supreme Court to ban the wearing of sunglasses so that potential rapists who are ogling at women with the intention of committing rape can be more easily found out.

I am extremely happy to be living in a land where the institutions are so concerned about my welfare and safety. I shall now feel much safer on Indian roads knowing that policemen are on the look out for sun film offenders. I commend and applaud all those who have diligently framed this public policy. Jai Hind.

Excuse me, which way is it to Omaha ?

Where on earth is Omaha ?? I must confess I had to look it up on a map. God - its in the middle of nowhere. Who on earth wants to go to Nebraska anyway. Well, this weekend, all roads lead to Omaha, if you are a certain type who likes to make money. For its the annual jamboree of Berkshire Hathway, and one old man named Warren Buffett.

I really don't understand why anybody wants to go to that blessed event. I mean, can there be any excuse for wanting to go to Nebraska ?? For God's sake ! To listen to words of wisdom from the "Oracle of Omaha" ?? Please, spare me the thought. Warren Buffett is no sage. In any case, if the multitude that go there even care to listen to him, they wouldn't be going there in the first place. For after all, he has been saying for donkeys years , don't listen to self proclaimed sages. Don't go on tips and hunches. Do research. Invest for the long term , etc etc. Everybody goes there to get tips on investing. They haven't understood what he has been trying to tell them - don't listen to tips. Whoever said that there was a surfeit of brains in the investing community.

But I want to go to Omaha !! I wish I was there this weekend. But not to listen to the old man. Or even have the free ice cream they dish out. I want to be there for a far more important reason. I want to have a chance to challenge Ariel Hsing to a game of table tennis.

You see, Warren Buffett is an amateur table tennis (ping pong, if you prefer) player. Typical of him, he spotted a talent in Ariel Hsing, when she was 9 years old. He brought her to his annual jamboree and then challenged anybody to beat her - the winner gets a box of candy. In the six or seven years, nobody has beaten her. She is now 16 and has made the London bound US Olympic Table Tennis team. In one of those years, she thrashed Bill Gates, who is an amateur player himself - one of the few occasions when Bill Gates has been thrashed in anything. Buffett even joked that Bill Gates' manhood has taken a severe beating losing to a pre teen !!

So, attendees to the Berkshire Hathway AGM can challenge Ariel to a game. Well, I have some claims to playing a decent standard of table tennis. I rather fancy my chances. Of course, I would chivalrously lose in the end, but after giving the lovely lady a bit of a running !!

Unfortunately Bangalore to Omaha is a fair way, although the opportunity to play with a lovely lady must move a man to trek to the moon. In my younger days, sure.  Alas, with the advent of years ....... I shall therefore pass the opportunity to Gils, who is not far away - he having recently shifted to an equally obscure and godforsaken place, rather close to Omaha !

As for Ariel, good luck in London, young lady. The US team, as indeed many other teams, is entirely made of ethnic Chinese. They will soldier bravely, but really have little chance against the real thing -  China. Which other country can afford to drop the current World No 1 man and woman from their team ?? That's exactly what China has done. Perhaps not that surprising, when they also have the No2, No3, No4 and No5 !!

Are women thick headed ?!

The Delhi government apparently feels that women are rather thick in the head. Considering that it is headed by a lady, we must now take this as a conclusive fact. I am reacting to the continued insistence of the government in making helmets for two wheeler riders compulsory for men , but optional for women. 

This piece of news was too good to resist. Regular readers are familiar with this blogger's tendency to rib the fairer sex once in a while. Realisation has dawned that there has been some tardiness in this matter over the past many months. Time to rectify the situation. Sunday posts are an excuse for unbridled frivolity rather unbecoming of a "serious" business blog. So here goes.

Why else must the government make the differentiation ? There is no evidence to suggest that Romeos are more likely to fall from two wheelers than Juliets. Yes, Romeo's concentration on the bike can easily, and often, be distracted by a passing Juliet, but that's equally true of Juliet too - its just that the human emotions that are triggered by such a sight varies from admiration to envy  ! It certainly cannot be anything to do with display of the hairdo to please the eye . Indian ladies have a mighty preference for long hair, but considering that Rajalakshmi is far too lazy to tend to it properly, it can be argued that it is best hidden under the helmet.

It can perhaps be on the grounds of women empowerment, but then India is not pro choice country (American far right, please note)! Perhaps it is a consequence of the tendency of the ladies in this country to ride side saddle -  Research indicates that a fall might more likely result in a landing on a rather more substantial part of the anatomy.

We have too look for clues elsewhere. There is yet another group in this worthy city which is exempted from wearing a helmet. Members of a certain religious group who sport rather substantial and cushioning headgear are not required to wear a helmet either. But considering the popular perception that under that elaborate adornment, there is a certain sparseness of matter, especially as we  approach midday, we cannot draw a parallel to the feminine of the species ! For the record, the said insinuation is an abominable untruth.

Certain masculine members of my audience might respond as to what was new in the question posed in the title. Any category of the population which is fixated with the saas-bahu serials (soaps for ye non Indians)  must obviously have to be somewhat thick in the head. Evidence mounts in this direction considering the obvious feminine dispensation towards a pedicure (see here for a learned exposition on this subject.

The Transport Minister in the Delhi Government who is leading the fight against women equality is the fantastically named Arvinder Singh Lovely ! But then being a member of the group which is exempt from wearing helmets for reasons outlined  a couple of paragraphs above, we cannot take his  arguments too highly !!

Motion is hereby moved that the fair sex is indeed rather well defended in the highest part of the anatomy. Spirited defence against the motion is invited. Those in support of the motion might consider tactical restraint as a means of saving their lives.

1984

Alas, George Orwell's prophecy has come true. Its 30 years late, but its now a reality. His book, 1984, I mean. For those unfamiliar with the aforesaid gentleman and book [having been born subsequently :) ], here's a helpful link as to what it is all about.

The sudden realisation dawned on me through the innocuous act of installing the Ghostery plugin to my Firefox browser. I had innocently thought that something that would enhance my internet privacy would not be a bad thing. Little did I realise what a disaster it would lead to.

You see, I had not realised how much the powers that be were interested in my colourless life. Within one second of installing the damn thing it showed me that Facebook and Twitter were monitoring my every click on the Net. Never mind that I don't use either of those.  I expected to see the usual culprits like Google Analytics and Double Click. But, pray, what on earth are Chitika, Open X, Crazy Egg, Tealium doing spying on me ..... . Now every 5 minutes, Ghostery is throwing up a new character that wants to monitor me. As soon as I block one, another one pops up. I have become completely paranoid. What on earth is happening.

Why is anybody even remotely interested in what I do ?? After all, the wonderfully exciting things I do on the Net are blogging, checking email, etc etc.  I am not a terrorist. I am not in  China trying to stir up trouble over Bo Xilai. I am not  circulating cartoons of a certain Chief Minister of India, which will land you in jail. No, I am not even browsing girlie sites !

So who is interested. The official explanation is that they are collecting non identifiable data so that they can target ads better . Really ? Who the hell cares two hoots about an ad on the Net these days ? I haven't ever bought a single thing on the Net because I saw an ad for it. I never will.

I think Big Brother has come into being. With all this analysing going on, I can picture my dossier in Big Brother's hands. My dad's name is Ramamritham and Rajalakshmi is my secret girl friend.  I have connections with the Greek protestors since I am friendly with , one, Zeno. I have a taste for seafood since I seem to be fascinated with Gils. I have one eighth Maori blood in me since I know a kiwibloke.  ?  And I am surely narcissistic since I seem to be gazing at Reflections (yes, she is eminently gazeable at:)) . But who in the world is the mysterious "J" ?

I am now quaking with dread. No doubt there are video and audio trackers in action. Since I rarely switch off my computer, they can presumably see what I do and listen to what I say. They can find out some amazing things. Yes, I woke up at 7.48 in the morning today. No, I do not sing in the shower. Yes, my sartorial talents are not well developed. No, I do not watch TV .... Riveting stuff.

This is simply awful. Even the good old Soviet Union of yore, or  present day North Korea are better. Get an internet connection at your peril. Big Brother is bound to find out that you sleep on your tummy.

What you can get with a billion dollars

In the last post, I asked a rhetorical question - What would you do with a billion dollars ?

Well, I read in the Economic Times today, that it was all too real a question to two people. They were faced with precisely this problem.

Read here , what they actually did. I found this a moving piece and would strongly commend reading it.

The world still has hearts beating

Public fancy has generally degraded into thoughtless inanity , right ? The silly antics of some starlet, whose only discernible feature is the shape of her nose, is what whole nations are riveted with. I mean, if some hundreds of millions can listen to a character called Justin Bieber, you can pretty much conclude that dumbing down of a whole species has occurred.

In such a world, what chance do you think a heavy, macabre, 30 minute video has ? Set in a bleak part of Africa. With a grim, sad, awful story. Not much you would gather. I would have gambled everything that  a grand total of 28 people would watch this video. Well, I would have been dead wrong and would have lost miserably. Kony 2012 is the name of this video. It was uploaded onto You Tube on 5 March. A small matter of 80 million people have seen it in 2 weeks.

Its about child soldiers in Uganda. Its about a monster called Joseph Kony and a horrible organisation called Lords Resistance Army in Uganda. It specialises in abducting children and turning them into sex slaves and child soldiers. This monster has been indicted for war crimes, but is at large. The video is about the awful story of children abducted and forced to become child soldiers.

The response simply shows that people care. That stories such as these still deeply affect the world. That human hearts still go out to the misery and awfulness in the world. That the world has not been numbed into inaction by a succession of woes daily chronicled by the media.

Joseph Kony is now a finished man. He will be caught and should receive the same treatment he has meted out to thousands of innocent children. Meanwhile we should salute public awareness and opinion. The world is still a great place if people can care enough. We can even forgive them  listening to Justin Bieber !

PS : Alas, public reaction is not always uniform. Jason Russell who produced this documentary has been subject to a variety of scathing criticism, including that of making a monster like Kony into a household name. Jason never bargained for this level of attention or for the criticism. Yesterday, the poor guy suffered a meltdown.

Useless Research

The world of academics baffles me. I consider myself reasonably aware of business issues and yet I can't make any sense of most of the research publications that come out on business. Actually I can't make any sense of even the title - let alone the contents. I challenge you to figure out "Tabu Search for the Single Row Facility Layout Problem in FMS using a 3-opt Neighborhood" or " On the Blowout Preventer Testing Problem: An Approach to Checking for Leakage in BOP Networks". Yes, I know, I am a bit dense, but still ........


So it was with delight that I discovered the Ig Nobel Prize - given annually to what is euphemistically called "Improbable Research". 2011winners were

PHYSIOLOGY PRIZE : Anna Wilkinson (of the UK), Natalie Sebanz (of THE NETHERLANDS, HUNGARY, and AUSTRIA), Isabella Mandl (of AUSTRIA) and Ludwig Huber (of AUSTRIA) for their study "No Evidence of Contagious Yawning in the Red-Footed Tortoise."

CHEMISTRY PRIZE : Makoto Imai, Naoki Urushihata, Hideki Tanemura, Yukinobu Tajima, Hideaki Goto, Koichiro Mizoguchi and Junichi Murakami of JAPAN, for determining the ideal density of airborne wasabi (pungent horseradish) to awaken sleeping people in case of a fire or other emergency, and for applying this knowledge to invent the wasabi alarm.

MEDICINE PRIZE : Mirjam Tuk (of THE NETHERLANDS and the UK), Debra Trampe (of THE NETHERLANDS) and Luk Warlop (of BELGIUM). and jointly to Matthew Lewis, Peter Snyder and Robert Feldman (of the USA), Robert Pietrzak, David Darby, and Paul Maruff (of AUSTRALIA) for demonstrating that people make better decisions about some kinds of things — but worse decisions about other kinds of things‚ when they have a strong urge to urinate.

PSYCHOLOGY PRIZE : Karl Halvor Teigen of the University of Oslo, NORWAY, for trying to understand why, in everyday life, people sigh.

LITERATURE PRIZE : John Perry of Stanford University, USA, for his Theory of Structured Procrastination, which says: To be a high achiever, always work on something important, using it as a way to avoid doing something that's even more important. 

BIOLOGY PRIZE : Darryl Gwynne (of CANADA and AUSTRALIA and the UK and the USA) and David Rentz (of AUSTRALIA and the USA) for discovering that a certain kind of beetle mates with a certain kind of Australian beer bottle

PHYSICS PRIZE : Philippe Perrin, Cyril Perrot, Dominique Deviterne and Bruno Ragaru (of FRANCE), and Herman Kingma (of THE NETHERLANDS), for determining why discus throwers become dizzy, and why hammer throwers don't.

PEACE PRIZE : Arturas Zuokas, the mayor of Vilnius, LITHUANIA, for demonstrating that the problem of illegally parked luxury cars can be solved by running them over with an armored tank.

There is a Distinguished Academic amongts the "legions" of readers of this blog. Perhaps she would like to offer a rebuttal !!

Lincredible

Miracles do happen. They do, rarely in real life, but a little more often in sport. One such miracle has happened in the city of New York. Or should I say, to the city of New York. All of New York has been infected with "Linsanity".

One of the, if not THE most famous entertainment and sporting arenas in the world is MSG - Madison Square Gardens in the heart of Manhattan. The home of the New York Knicks - one of the most famous basketball teams in the world. Professional basketball - the NBA - is an extremely competitive  sport in the US. It is filled with superstars - like Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Dwight Howard who earn zillions every year and have supersize egos. Thousands and thousands aspire to join the NBA each year - barely 50 or 60 make it.

The New York Knicks are a famous but perennially disappointing team. They have achieved precious little in recent years. A year ago they paid huge sums of money to acquire two superstars - Amare Stoudamire and Carmelo Anthony. Nothing changed - they continued to perform poorly this year. Until a week ago, that is.

Both the superstars were unavailable and a few other players were injured too. The coach , out of desperation, turned to an unknown rookie, who wasn't even with the team, but just happened to be around. Enter Jeremy Lin, an American of Taiwanese origin. Nobody had even heard of him before.

All that changed in an instant. He simply took over the Knicks team as a playmaker and the team has won 5 games on the trot. Each game, Lin has scored 20+ points. Against Lakers and Kobe Bryant on Friday, Lin scorched the court with 38 points. Their two superstars are not playing, but the Knicks are winning. Sellout crowds are greeting them everywhere. They are chanting LIN LIN at deafening volumes. They had to print Lin T shirts literally overnight and you can't get them anywhere for they are all sold out. The media has gone completely ga ga. In seven days he's the hottest property in the NBA. Such things simply don't happen in real life and nobody can believe it.

Lin is a Harvard graduate no less. He's a clean god fearing humble fellow - no outrageous tattoos all over his body. He seems rooted to the ground and hasn't gone insane with the media circus. He's become an icon for Asian Americans. He credits the success to teammates and not to himself. Everybody in New York has gone completely crazy, bowled over by "Linsanity".

He may flare and soar even higher. He may burn out. Who cares. Jeremy Lin has already proved that miracles do happen.

PS - 2011 salaries

Amare Stoudamire - $ 18.2 million

Carmelo Anthony - $ 18.5 million

Jeremy Lin - $ 762,000 (signed one week ago)

The tale of two events

Two completely unconnected , and perhaps insignificant, events in Bangalore provide the fodder for this Sunday's post. Both were unadvertised, and both were free in the sense there were no tickets. But the contrast could not be bigger

Today I went to a short Carnatic recital by Ranjani and Gayatri who are renowned singers in this genre. Carnatic music is enjoying a revival after it had gone comatose some 15 years ago. The recital was in Chowdiah Hall , Bangalore's only decent theatre hall. To my amazement, the hall was full; some 1000 people came to hear the duo sing. Granted the audience  mostly had white hair (or no hair) , but still ......  . Ranjani and Gayatri sing very well , they tandem together beautifully. Even if you don't have a taste for this genre, try listening to this piece from them. Lovely music. But even then, the packed hall stunned me.

A week ago, the National Badminton Championships were held at Bangalore. India is near world class in badminton. China, Indonesia etc are a class apart, but India nowadays features in the first division. Saina Nehwal was not taking part, but there was enough class on display. This year saw the emergence of the highly promising talent in 16 year old PV Sindhu who won the women's title. She is already near 6 feet and has a lovely game which will improve with age. In two years time, the prospect of Saina and Sindhu representing India in the Uber Cup makes you want to drool in anticipation. But back to the Nationals. Total audience - 50 ; of whom 49 were parents or friends of the players. Yours truly was probably the only unconnected  fan.

Getting a crowd in India should be no big deal - after all there are a lot of people in India. Chowdiah Hall fills up for any type of concert; any genre of music. Rock or Hindi film concerts have to be held open air in Palace Grounds to accommodate maybe 10,000 people. And there were 50 people to watch the badminton Nationals.

Now you know why India produces soulful music - Hindustani, Carnatic or Film. Now you also know why India wins nothing in sport.

The breaking in of a newbie

Newbies have to be broken in. If you throw them at the deep end, they'll simply die of shock. This blogger has a substantially inflated opinion of himself and proclaims expertise in matters that he knows precious little about. But even he readily admits to being a complete newbie in one matter . And he was very privileged to be broken into the said field by two acknowledged experts.It must be clarified right here that this blogger has not indulged in this activity for some 30 years and therefore approached it with some trepidation.

They were very kind. They chose the shallow end of the pool for the first dip of the toe. Apparently this specimen which I was introduced to is not "typical".  But was sufficient to give a good general idea. They prefaced the experience, by a good nourishment of the body (otherwise called lunch) in preparation for nourishment of the mind.

As it started, they very helpfully explained who was who. I was advised that the sum total of people in the city who did not recognise the main protagonists  was one - that specimen being yours truly. But they didn't rub it in. They kindly explained the antecedents of the worthies. They however drew a line, when on being told that the chief was titled "Young Thalapathi", I respectfully asked who was the older version !

Matters went on predicted lines. I stared rather open mouthed. I fancy my  minders were trying to observe me with the corner of their eyes rather than staring straight ahead. There was whistles and oohs when the gentleman with the title previously referred to appeared . He , alas, was not tall, dark or handsome - in fact he looked rather like my neighbourhood Romeo. I had mistakenly assumed that there would be many gorgeous women I could at least ogle at. Unfortunately I was advised that there was just one in this example they had chosen for me and that I would have to wait a while before feasting my eyes - to be fair, the lady was worth the wait.

The start was "electric" if you will pardon the pun. Dropping of pants and a lesson on conductivity of liquids was not what I had expected. After some inanity, the time came for breaking into song and dance. The flower train rather boggled the mind. I chuckled at some outrageous costumes and gyrations, but I couldn't help guffaw loudly at the sight of Tamilians trying to do the Bhangra - there are some things Tamilians can't do and imitation of  Bhangra is certainly one of them.  When a  break came, I thought the experience was over until my advisers informed me that it was only the first instalment. More was to come. I had presumed that the moment was usually a call to fortify oneself with exotic preparations of the cola nut. However the experts were somewhat wary of the possibility of their subject bolting through the door - they wisely suggested that quenching of thirst be somewhat deferred and that being glued to wherever one was , was a safer course of action.

More did come. Another song and dance which morphed suddenly from an attempted kiss featuring rather scantily clad foreign beauties gyrating to forgettable music. Some lessons on the causes and effects of bodily activities best left unmentioned. Some incredible Tamilian names that would even flummox the most creative of new baby names handbooks - Come on; have you ever heard anybody named PP and KP. Also featured was a very detailed primer on innovative obstetrics. An elaborately worked example of how to snatch the bride from the altar. And an answer to the eternal dilemma facing mankind - can you kiss without bumping noses !

All was well that ended well. The beauty and the "beast" finally got together and presumably lived happily ever after. The breaking in was successful. To my eager experts, I opined that the experience was "not bad" and that an encore might even be a possibility. After which the two sorely tried champions, the wise one and the breezy one, to whom I am eternally grateful,  shooed me off . Thereafter, I am told, they retired to a vegetarian version of the proverbial watering hole !

Shampoo for lunch

It must have happened to you too. Standing in a long checkout line in an Indian "supermarket". Rajalakshmi , in front of you, has 742 items to bill. You wait patiently (as if you can do anything else). The bloke behind you is poking at your spine as he wills you to advance. Rajalakshmi is intently watching the  amount totalling up on the display. It now stands at Rs 3742.50. After 18.5 minutes when all the 742 items have been billed (and not one second before), she digs into her purse and comes out with three fat wads of Sodexho coupons. All in denominations of Rs 5. And then proceeds to count them out laboriously. Being mathematically challenged, each time, she comes up with a different answer. 14 minutes later she discovers that she is Rs 5 short in coupons. She then proceeds to dig in to packed bags, go to the bottom, remove an item and ask the checkout guy to deduct that from the bill. She is now Rs 7 excess. She wants change back. He refuses ........You can do precious little but curse at the injustice in the world.

Forget Foreign Direct Investment. The biggest change required in Indian retail is the banning of Sodexho coupons. I don't mind Walmart not being there. I just want Sodexho to disappear.

For those unfamiliar with the Sodexho problem in India, this is a by product of feeding the thousands of coders who throng Indian cities. The office canteen providing free meals was always a part of the corporate landscape. But when the IT lot descended on the scene, they brought with them the Sodexho coupon. Each employee is given a thick wad of these blasted coupons. She's supposed to exchange them when buying lunch . Of course she does no such thing -she either starves, or has a banana or brings a tiffin box. Saves these coupons which then can be used to buy grocery in shops.

This is tax evasion on a grand scale by the relatively well to do. Food coupons are tax exempt with the ostensibly laudable objective of feeding Rajalakshmis. They are meant to be used to buy food when in office. Not to buy toilet paper for home. By Indian standards, coders are well paid. Their effective rate of taxation is usually low at 10 or 20%. This is blatant tax evasion which everybody indulges in. Before throwing mud at politicians, one should ensure that one's own shirt is white.

The problem has grown into an epidemic. Apparently there are 300,000 people using Sodexho coupons like this. Nobody knows the value , but the speculation is some Rs 3000 crores. This is parallel currency sloshing around along with the rupee. I have sometimes been offered these coupons as change. The look I give the retailer who suggests this, gives meaning to the term kolaveri !

Pre budget consultations are currently going on in India. Here's a free suggestion to the Hon'ble Pranab Mukherjee. Remove the tax exemption on Sodexho coupons. And just watch them disappearing at lightning speed. I shall cheer mightily if Dada would do that.

Can we win ?

Down and out is one of the worst moments in life. It comes to everybody at some time or the other, save for the blessed few that God has chosen to spare. It comes to businesses, it comes to sports teams, it comes to people, it comes to you and me. The Indian cricket team is in that situation now. British Petroleum and Lehman Brothers faced it not so long ago. To many in Greece or Portugal, it might be that way at this moment. It all appears bleak. There is much darkness and little light. Even the air seems suffocating. The world seems to be an approximation of Hell.

This is the moment when strength of character shows out and is sorely needed. The strength to struggle and stand up despite the ferocious battering. Perhaps with a few more ingredients that might help enlarge the glimmer of light, such as it is.

Hope , of course. If you look at it,  Pandora did humanity a service, releasing all the evils, but also releasing Hope. For an utopian world with no evil, but also no hope, does not seem to be an attractive version of Paradise.

Perhaps something to lean on. A friend perhaps. Or a family. Or one's faith. Just to provide an anchor. A support, as strength is gathered for the long climb out of the hole.

Steely determination surely. The past is past. Tomorrow is another day. The Phoenix can rise from the ashes.

Action for sure. Moping is natural, but action is better. Not the plodding along as of old, but bold new action. Decisiveness, discipline, and energy. Small milestones that get larger and larger. 250 next time. 300 thereafter. Each one achieved with no quarters asked or given. Easily said; tougher to do of course.

Belief. That's a difficult one when in the bottom of the hole. Especially as everybody peering from the top is nodding their head at the futility of it all. But the spark should not be allowed to die out. It is what will light the fire along the way.

And above all some compassion as the climb is begun. For some unfortunate soul further down and struggling, a helping hand perhaps.

Why this touchy, feely, vague post in an ostensibly hard headed business blog ?? Don't ask. To quote William Cowper - Variety's  the very spice of life, That gives it all its flavour".

So the response to the rhetorical question at the title of this post. Of course, yes we can. Even if the voice is squeaky and barely audible, the throat with a lump and perhaps a tear shining at the corner of the eye.

OMG; Where did Friday go ?

How would you feel if you fell asleep on Thursday night and woke up on Saturday morning. No No; you didn't oversleep like crazy. Somebody moved the clocks. This is exactly what happened on 30th December if you were a Samoan - actually there was no 30th December. The world magically went from 29th to 31st. The reality behind the magic is quite prosaic. Samoa simply decided to come "this" side of the International Date line from "that".

The international date line is an arbitrary line that dictates where the easternmost and westernmost part of the world is. As you can see from the picture below it is not a straight line at all - quite arbitrary. If you fancy  such things, you could have celebrated New Year's day in Tonga ; hopped across on a short plane ride to Samoa on the west of the line and celebrated New Year's day again. Alas, no longer.

Samoa does such things. Sometime ago they moved from driving on the right of the road to the left of the road - chronicled in this post. Now they have made everybody older by a day by just a wave of the wand. Such are the serious issues that the government of Samoa tackles.

The official explanation is that Samoa is on the side of the time zone which makes it one of the last countries to finish the day. That way they are on the same date as Hawaii and the rest of the US. But their biggest trading partners are now New Zealand and Australia - Kiwibloke, a regular commentator here has helpfully pointed out that there are more Samoans in Australia than there are in Samoa itself. But the time zones are such that Samoa is never on the same day as Australia - so when the Samoans are working (presumably) on a Friday, it is already the weekend in Australia (every sensible Aussie is on the beach ogling at Sheilas) and when the Samoans are "resting" on a Sunday, the Kiwis are already working on their Monday. This mismatch is apparently hurting the Samoans economically - hence this move !! Its amazing what you can justify on the grounds of economics these days.

We can hereby grant Samoa the title of the most entertaining and quixotic country in the world.

An experience of a lifetime

Antha naal gnabakam ....

Memories of those days, goes the title of this post in Tamil. Alumni reunions are an American tradition. It was not very common in India, until recent years. You passed out of school and college - and that was that. You went your own way , kept in touch with a  few, lost touch with most and lived your own life.  Rarely did you return. But that trend is changing.

A week ago, the 1961 batch from Madras Medical College held their 50th year reunion. Everybody was 70 plus in age, obviously. Some 60 odd batchmates attended, it is reported. They came from far and wide. They went back to their old classrooms . They went back to their labs. They sang the songs of their days. Including this one (sorry its in Tamil) which was actually released in their year in college.  They ribbed their mates as they used to do so long ago. In short, they had a whale of a time.

What is it that attracts people to reunions. After all they have gone so far a distance that they may not even be able to relate to their school or college anymore. Even the closest buddy, who was a life mate in those days has changed so much that you can barely recognise him. So why the pull ??

The pull is because as you grow older, nostalgia becomes a more and more powerful emotion. Sure everything has changed beyond recognition, including you. But so what ? There is the magical pull of past memories that whitewashes the dirty and puts a golden hue on the ordinary. Yes, the school looks a bit shabby now. Yes the town looks a bit lost in the ages. But there is a special joy in revelling in the past. Talk about the carefree days of school (never mind that they hardly seemed carefree then). Talk longingly of the teachers (even though they caned you to fury). Talk to the girls, now women (you wouldn't be caught dead talking to a girl then). Wander about in your memories. Grasp a fleeting remembrance that was buried deep in the mind. Smile at the playground where you whiled away the years. Walk around with a silly smile on your face. And heave a deep sigh before returning back to the real world.

That's what awaits me for the next 2 days. I go to the 35th year reunion of my school batch. OMG ; how did the years fly by ?